Feelings are good. They are instructive, often, and very helpful.
But feelings don’t always tell the truth.
Sometimes, you need your brain to do that.
In my relationship with David, I have probably avoided hundreds or thousands of arguments with just one tactic, and it is this:
I use my brain.
I let myself feel whatever I feel after the thing that annoyed or upset me occurs.
Then I think about it for a while.
First, I ask myself whether what my feelings are telling me about him right then are true. Then, if the answer is yes (which it usually isn’t), I take it one step further:
I ask myself whether it is worth arguing about.
Is it worth the bad feelings we’ll both have if I bring it up? I ask. Is it worth ruining our whole night for?
Maybe, I think, I’ll wait ’till tomorrow to bring it up.
More often than not, though, tomorrow never comes, and I forget all about it, and there is no argument at all. And that is what understanding yourself does for you:
It alters the course of your future.
It is a superpower.
Of course, most likely, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Most of the people I know can diagnose each other’s problems with their relationships, their finances and their negative attitudes very quickly and very accurately—sometimes after knowing the person for only a short time.
So why can’t we all do that more easily with ourselves?
We need to be able to do the same for ourselves.
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Get What I Learned from Jane on Amazon.
More Stuff to Read:
Some Spiritual Practices Actually Work. It’s Amazing.
There are hundreds of spiritual techniques for overcoming depression and increasing inner peace. Only one blog talks about whether or not they work. With ratings. (Take that, God.)
- My Favorite Spiritual Practices for Overcoming Depression
- Depression Success Stories and Spiritual Practice Success Stories
I Suspect Inner Peace Is Just a Myth. Here Are Interviews With People Who Disagree.
Some people are such show-offs. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth listening to.
There’s a Book for That, Too
It’s a great time to get suddenly awesome. So many teachers. So many books.
- Best Spiritual-But-Not-Religious Books for Overcoming Depression
- Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday