Life Hack for Getting Suddenly Awesome: Don’t Feel


Feelings are good. They are instructive, often, and very helpful.

But feelings don’t always tell the truth.

Sometimes, you need your brain to do that.

In my relationship with David, I have probably avoided hundreds or thousands of arguments with just one tactic, and it is this:

I use my brain.

I let myself feel whatever I feel after the thing that annoyed or upset me occurs.

Then I think about it for a while.

First, I ask myself whether what my feelings are telling me about him right then are true. Then, if the answer is yes (which it usually isn’t), I take it one step further:

I ask myself whether it is worth arguing about.

Is it worth the bad feelings we’ll both have if I bring it up? I ask. Is it worth ruining our whole night for?

Maybe, I think, I’ll wait ’till tomorrow to bring it up.

More often than not, though, tomorrow never comes, and I forget all about it, and there is no argument at all. And that is what understanding yourself does for you:

It alters the course of your future.

It is a superpower.


Of course, most likely, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Most of the people I know can diagnose each other’s problems with their relationships, their finances and their negative attitudes very quickly and very accurately—sometimes after knowing the person for only a short time.

So why can’t we all do that more easily with ourselves?

We need to be able to do the same for ourselves.


“This is the kind of writing that makes me feel as if I’d sat down with the author on the sofa with cups of tea and we were talking together for hours. The style is so vulnerable …” – Heather

“I don’t know what to say other than it is the most beautiful book that I have ever read.” – Ashley

“Really, I am rather speechless.” – Sarah

“I loved the book!! I couldn’t stop reading it!! It touched me so very much.” – Haydee

“Player has given a beautiful gift to her readers. I was very touched.” – Celia

“Player’s chatty style evokes a realism and empathy for the story. One is able to feel her pain.” – Anonymous 

Get What I Learned from Jane on Amazon.


More Stuff to Read:

Some Spiritual Practices Actually Work. It’s Amazing.

There are hundreds of spiritual techniques for overcoming depression and increasing inner peace. Only one blog talks about whether or not they work. With ratings. (Take that, God.)

I Suspect Inner Peace Is Just a Myth. Here Are Interviews With People Who Disagree.

Some people are such show-offs. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth listening to.

There’s a Book for That, Too

It’s a great time to get suddenly awesome. So many teachers. So many books.

I’m a Partner, a Mom, a Friend, a Mom, a Sister, a Daughter, a Businessperson and a Mom. Here’s What Helps.



  1. Funny, most of the people I know will either do the fight and feel justified or push it down and remain angry. Neither are good and I try not to do either (much easier after the stroke). I like your thoughts and ways on the matter.


  2. A lifetime of bad mental habits and a refusal to allow in new ideas can make real communication with some people impossible. Some people are open to meditation, others are not, and dismiss it without ever trying it. I notice that among people I have met, who DO practice regular meditation, they are far less likely to falsely identify their Self, with their thoughts, or the past or any mental “attitude” or stance they may take. Eckhart Tolle summed it up very well in his teachings.
    Mostly I just avoid talking with people who’s attitudes are backwards, and who only complain about life. Better to seek intelligent company imo. The hardest thing for me is communicating with family members, but then I remember we live in a self correcting living universe – everybody learns/evolves at their own pace, I can not expect others to keep up with, which means often I am quite lonely and rarely get to interact with people who are not superficial and caught up in wasting their lives on meaningless consumerism, or taking advantage of others, instead of caring for them.
    For the people whom we truly love, it is worth persisting in communicating with them imo.


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